Finding Myself in South Korea...

I think one of the things I have been lacking in my life is the knowledge of who I am. It's not something you can put into words or descriptions, but rather, into feelings. It's when you are the most comfortable with yourself and who you are, regardless of what your circumstances in life may be and the way others may treat you. It's when you know how to be your best, how to stay at your best, and how to never criticize yourself for your short comings and petty mistakes...

I think that is something I have yet to get close to.

But I was thinking the last couple of days. I was thinking about how Korea just might help me get a teensy bit closer to finding myself, closer than I would ever have gotten had I stayed home in my comfort zone for the rest of my life: Florida. Sure, reflection and meditation helps, but how can you reflect if you have no experience to reflect on?

I think that the best thing I can do right now is stay positive and go with the flow, not against it. I was walking down the street today and I realized something: I'm in KOREA! I know that sounds silly, because it's a no duh statement, but I think a part of me has been fighting the culture a little bit. I feel like a part of me has been in denial. I think I need to adjust a little faster and immerse myself a little deeper into what is around me. The only problem is the immense amount of anxiety I get interacting with other Koreans. I can't help but question myself and avoid communication with Koreans as much as I can, simply because I suck at it and I feel like every time I fuck up with the language or the customs, I'm being judged horribly as a silly "waygook" (foreigner in Korean) who needs to learn Korean. I want to blend in, not stand out. But I think that might be a part of the problem. How am I supposed to know myself if I am trying to be like everyone else?

Anyway, a little reflection here, I guess. I wish I could write more blog posts, but I noticed that ever since I came to Korea, free time has become almost non-existant... unless I plan to get 3  hours of sleep a night... aiiiy...... that may be tonight...

Orientation

So, finally, here goes my very first blog post in South Korea. Took a while, actually. I got here about 3 weeks ago, and I was planning to make a post as soon as I got here. But ever since I stepped foot onto that plane, life just kind twirled around a series of unexpected events, physical exhaustion, confusion, amazement, and wonder. I'm going to start from the very beginning, because every step I took after entering the plane was a new experience that I have never had before...

It was honestly quite emotional. I knew it would be. That sinking feeling you get in your chest. Just knowing that you're going to be so far away from the people you love... just... that reality of it, which doesn't hit you until the moment you begin to leave. I felt as if I was tearing a part of me off; an important part that I need, but I can live without for a temporary amount of time. It's like losing an arm for 6 months... I guess that's a weird analogy, but the point is made.

I cried. Like a baby. I did. People stared at me, people were incredibly kind to me, people were confused by me... but it's okay. I let the tears flow.

The plane experience was interesting, but I gotta admit, it could have been better. Even though I was terribly afraid, I was still excited to see the world from above the sky. My flight from Tampa to Atlanta was very fun. I even met a wonderful woman named Stephanie who did her absolute best to help reassure me that riding in planes is safe. She gave me pointers and tips of what to do and even let me have her window seat. When we got to Atlanta, she even helped me find the area where my plane would be, even though someone was waiting for her. At the end, she gave me $10 so I could buy a neck pillow :3

The Korean Air flight was interesting, but my GAWD those seats were so absolutely uncomfortable. For 13 hours, I SUFFERED. Literally. I had no where to lean, the seats didn't go all the way back, I was cramped, there was little leg room, and it was a tad too warm for my tastes. The flight attendants were incredible though, I'll give them that. They were incredibly beautiful too...

Arrival
Once I arrived in South Korea, it took me a while to realize I was in a foreign country. At first, I went about things like I would at any other new place in America. I walked around, looked at maps, and assumed a few people were going to know English. It's an international airport after all. Someone has to know! But, I had my first real taste of what a language barrier feels like. No one understood what I was saying. Even something as simple as "gate 1". "One?" they asked, as they looked at each other confused. I lifted one finger up and said it again "ONE. Gate ONE". Nope. No one knew. I eventually did find my way. I just followed the crowds, as I assumed they knew what they were doing.

Taking It All In
At first, the scenery seemed unreal. I've seen mountains in movies, books, and the internet. But to see them in real life was... unreal. It felt like I was looking at a big flat screen TV of a mountainous landscape. I just wasn't feeling the reality of it. I guess that's what happens when we see things in pictures before we see them in real life. It's like watching too many previews for a funny movie, so that when you go to see the movie, those scenes just aren't funny anymore. Still, I love it. I love what I see and I want to keep looking at it. Like a small child enjoying the simplest of things.

Orientation
The orientation period in Jochiwon, South Korea, was a bit... tedious. I endured 3 weeks of an initial phase and now we are doing about one week of orientation in our current cities. For me, it's Jeonju. I'm glad to be here honestly! It is where my mom grew up, where my family lives, and it's not too rural. I believe the school I will be working in will be a tad different, but we shall see. I'm kind of just waiting for orientation to end. I really want to be on my own, just exploring, learning Korean, and settling down, finally. Even though we have been given very nice accommodations, I've yet to settle down. For one month, I've lived off my suitcases. Packing unpacking, repacking. The orientation has been helpful, but a tad repetitive at times. I don't think we need one month of preparation. 2 weeks, at the most. I don't know why the program hires people who have no teaching experience. Sure, teachers are every where, but even though, when I started teaching back in the states, I was never given a training period...

Family

I finally got to see the faces of a few of my Korean family members. We all met at the Hanok Village in Jeonju. I met one of my aunts, two cousins,  their kids, and my aunts husband. I really like the kind of people they are. They seem so kind, so wonderful. But then again, I am family, so they were treating me better than they would most other people, I'm sure. But my cousins kind of emitted this gentle and kind aura off of them. I kind of felt like I met my parents for the first time after being separated for so many years. Of course, I was SUPER shy.  They were insecure of their English, and I was insecure myself as well! "Am I dressed appropriately? Am I shaking too much? Am I not giving them enough attention? Are my table manners bad? Should I try to ask questions? Maybe I am saying too much? Do they like me? What if they don't like me? Am I too fat? Not Korean enough? Too foreign?" These thoughts and many more circled endlessly through my mind.... Either way, I hope to see them again soon though. I really can't wait :3

And so, I end this blog entry. I hope I get the chance to post more often. Documenting my experience in Korea is really important to me. I want to be able to look back at all of this and smile :)

Vlogging and blogging about Korea

So, I'm going to jump on the vlogging band wagon and try to create both blogs and vlogs (video blogs for those who are not savvy of internet terminology quite yet) while in South Korea. For the most part, it's going to be for self-enjoyment and for friends and family. Nothing special or nifty. I've been watching a lot of vlogs from others about Korea and I noticed something was missing... Traditional Korean heritage and history! Most of the stuff seems to focus on modern Korean culture and food, but very few focus on the old and traditional, something I am very interested in learning about. It is a part of my ancestry, after all. I have many plans to travel around Korea filming and taking photos of traditional villages and ways of living of many South Koreans. We forget about those who live on farms and the not so Seoul-like villages and towns throughout the country. Hopefully, I can get some footage of stuff like that! 

Another thing I'd like to focus on is Korean wildlife and nature. I have always been a huge fanatic of animals and nature, ever since I was a kid. I was always obsessed with bird watching here in Florida, and just watching the trees sway in the warm ocean or lake breezes. The everglades, although seeming like nothing but a massive expanse of grass at first, is actually quite beautiful and alive once you see it up close. I hope to do something like that for Korea. It's going to be interesting watching and examining a whole new type of nature, because I am sure South Korea's nature and wildlife is radically different than from what we have here in Florida. 

Well, I thought I'd write this post so that I don't forget to do this, because knowing me, I'll get so distracted that I WILL forget. It's going to be my first time doing something like this, so I might not be the best at it at first, but I am sure that with time and patience, and the right equipment, I can make it happen :)

First Post!

This post is being made while in... America! :D

Not in Korea just yet. I will be there in about 8 days. But, of course, in anticipation, I made this blog. At this point, I feel like all I am doing is just waiting for it to happen. To just go and to just be there. In the meantime I am packing and buying the necessities. I've already spent a lot of my hard earned money from my previous job on the suitcases, clothing, and basic necessities, because I didn't have any of those things before. The packing is a night mare though ): Having to pick and choose, and then having to squeeze it all in there. It's just a pain. On top of that is the fact that anything I leave behind will have to go in boxes for storage because if they don't, my mom has the uncanny ability to just throw things away without consideration. A lot of my stuff, if not all of it, will go either in a suitcase or in a storage box. So there is a whole lot more to this than just the suitcases unfortunately ): Making sure I am not missing anything or making any mistakes is part of it too. This is my first time traveling on a plane and of course, out of the country. If I miss something, there is no going back. I also hope I don't make any mistakes that will stall me at the airport...

There is just so much to think about. So much to do. More than I have mentioned so far. I'm even using this blog as a reason to stay up a little later so I can change my body's sleep clock to South Korea's, which is 13 hours ahead of mine! It's 2am here and 3pm there right now. I'm a little sleepy, but a few days ago, I was falling asleep by 10pm, so I have definitely made progress. Oh by the way, this sleep thing is actually very important to me, because a drastic change in my sleep schedule is one of my migraine triggers, so I have to do this slowly, little by little, so that by the time I get there, I'm not lying in bed with a migraine, but exploring Seoul!

Anyway, I don't know if I can explain my excitement in words, but let's just say, I can't wait. I just can't.  I hope to use this blog as a means of jotting down useful info, marking memories, and posting photos. Until then, signing out!